My Own Journey with Breathwork - part I
It was July of 2023 and I was sitting beside our swimming pool with my sister-in-law, watching our children swim and play in the pool together. I, of course, was folding laundry (there’s a constant flow of it these days chez moi) as we chit-chatted. Seemingly out of the blue, SIL asked me if I had ever done any breathwork. I chuckled and felt my ego engage, answering “yeah …. I’m a yoga instructor … of course I’ve done breathwork,” all the while tallying the Sanskrit names for various breathing styles I could remember off the top of my head.
“I mean, like, the sort of breathwork where you lay down and breathe for a long time … like healing breathwork” she replied.
“I don’t know … I don’t think so … tell me more” I answered.
That’s when she explained that she had gone, a few times, to a group healing breathwork session at a yoga studio in Ottawa. The instructor, Krista Reid, was fantastic and would have the group start in a circle, introducing themselves and naming their intentions for the practice. They would then move to their yoga mats and breathe in a certain way. It made the body feel tingly and weird but also lighter and all in all, felt really good. Would I be interested in going to the next one with her?
I immediately answered with a yes, but didn’t sign up right away when she sent me the link. I knew I was interested, but wasn’t sure I wanted to give up my Saturday afternoon or evening on a July weekend.
I ended up registering and I showed up to the session with my yoga mat, bolster, eye pillow, essential oils, blanket, tea thermos … ALL the things.
Krista invited us into the circle and we did exactly what SIL had described. Some people were there because they were grieving or soul-searching, curious or working on themselves. She invited a volunteer to lay down in the middle of the circle and she taught them the breath pattern as we watched, mentally taking note: “ok, open-mouth, breathe into low belly, then high chest and then exhale. K. Got it.”
As I positioned myself on my mat, Krista encouraged us to lie flat on our backs without pillows beneath our heads and preferably without anything beneath our knees. She explained that the breath will invite healing where it is needed in the body and that the more freedom our body has to feel, the more the breath can assist us in that healing. I pushed my extras aside and laid down, placing my eye pillow over my eyes. The music started and I began to follow the breathwork pattern she had taught us moments before. I felt determined and so breathed with gusto, pushing the breath forcefully out my mouth.
It wasn’t long before I settled into a pattern and could feel my hands tightening and contorting, felt tingling throughout my body and felt my lips tightening as if I was scowling. I began to recall a podcast episode of “We Can Do Hard Things” where Glennon and Abby describe their experiences with a breathwork practice in which they got “claw hands” and experienced emotional release. If I remember correctly, Glennon saw people she knew and loved and laughed out loud while Abby cried and cried. In remembering this, I viewed my tightening hands as a sign I was doing it right so I plowed on, breathing forcefully, determined to do this breathwork correctly and the best it could possibly be done.
Before long, Krista announced that we were over halfway through and invited us to make sound. I couldn’t fathom saying anything, so I kept breathing while I heard others crying or toning or yelling. I think it was at this point that I saw an image of myself running up a hill, my hands arms cast wide, holding hands with some of my sickest clients. Behind us were throes of others, slightly blurry, but seemingly my other clients past and present, as well as the folks breathing alongside me in that room. We were all running up hill, but not in a way that suggested exhaustion or fatigue. It was a glorious, triumphant sort of running, which smiles and sunshine on our faces.
That’s when Krista told us it was time to rest - that the active breathing had come to a close and that for the next song or two we would rest.
As I released the active breath pattern, it was as if everything narrowed in and became more focused. I don’t remember seeing much more that day, other than echoes of the images of me running with these people that I was rooting for so enthusiastically. But that’s when the sensations really came. Suddenly I felt intense vibrations in my hands, my feet, my whole body. It wasn’t alarming or disconcerting. It felt like the most wonderful thing imaginable. I felt like I was smiling wide and could feel sunlight warming me as I vibrated. All self-doubt completely dissipated and I felt suddenly very aware of my power and strength. And not in an ego sort of way. No. It was in a deep knowing of being connected to everyone and everything. A knowing that the universe has my back and that I have purpose and value. It was so healing. It felt like years of therapy and healing coming together at last. It was mind-blowing (and in the best way).
Once the music stopped, Krista encouraged us to “come back” and invited us to return to the circle formation in which we had begun. We were given the opportunity to share about our experience and I gushed about having been running with everyone there and thanked them for their energy and shared strength. Some others shared about their experience and we all packed up and went home.
I had agreed to go to a neighbour’s backyard barbecue, so I arrived there and slid into conversations with total strangers with ease. I was patient with my children, affectionate with my husband and felt really at ease.
And when I got home that night, I immediately set to work looking up when the next session would be.